in response to grandmasteph...   Please visit www.fightcps.com, then go to facebook and "ADD" Shirley Moore to your page. She is responsible for having CPS cases revisted by her state for corruption.She also hosts radio spots that you can join in.Send her a message on facebook and she will respond to you. You can also contact Wayde Nelson at justice4us aol, or add him on facebook at fairrulings for free legal direction.

 in response to grandmasteph...   You are a beautiful woman.....I hope things are working out for you....I am praying for you....Dave

call 18008339786 they only help grand mothers and they might adoped you grand children for xmas

i too am suffering like you prayers to you and hope everything turns out ok first time doing something like this expect a miricle ok love you allways

What is your DreaM?

 in response to lights47441...   

Hello Norman,

Thank you so much for the advice. I have actually tried all that you mention in your kind note, the troouble is that I run into roadblcks all the time. 

I have tried legal aid here, who can't help because the case is out of state, and legal aid there who can't help me because I am out of state. It is a real mess and  sure can't afford to have a lawyer from New York hired. I did get some legal help in the form of a wonderful gentleman named Gerard Wallace, who runs something called the Kinship Navigator in New York. He is dedicating his life (he is a lawyer) to trying to change laws and the system so that Grandparents, who are the logical choice to care for children in the case that a parent can not do so, can gain custody of their minor children. 

The problem is that it has taken so long to get any help that the court has now ordered the children adopted out and that means there can be no open adoption in our case. The only way I can manage that is to talk to the foster care grandma and see if she will go along with it. 

Thank You for your prayers...please just pray that we are allowed an open adoption and that my darling grandbabies are OK and loved and cared for. Their names are Jadah, Dante, and Imani. The oldest and youngest are little girls and the middle child is my only grandson. 

Thank you again for your care and concern. 

I pray that you are able to get a grant to help you build your new home. Perhaps a place like Habitat for Humanity can help you...Maybe you can get some ideas from a place like HUD (housing and urban development)--which is a federal agency. 

God Bless 

Stephanie. 

Have you gone to legal aid in NY or the friend of the court in the juristriction where your grandchildren are? Also, you can go to Attorneys in NY to get help. You can get a phone book for NY from your telephone company. I hope this helps you, I will get people I know to pray that you get your grandchildren back.

Good Lord, now it is the 8th of Sept. and here I still am trying to keep it together. I have such a mess going on here. I don't know what to do and I don't understand why I can't seem to get any help at all. I am trying so hard to keep everything together but it seems almost impossible to do. I have been given notice to move because my landlady is mad at the section 8 people because they wrote her up for the stupid 'homemade mulch' which was actually a snake, rat, and other vermin habitat she put all around the house foundation, saying it was "good for the soil" in the flower beds! What an idiot...anyway, she got mad after asking me to resign a lease for another year a week or so before...now I have to move because of her ignorance! I have no money to move, no where to go and here I am with this 15 month old baby girl here. I am trying to get into a shelter we have here...but will have to put all my stuff in storage, which will take a way to get it to a storage place and also money to keep it there...not to mention that I will need to have a certain amount of clothes for the baby and me with me. I don't know what else to do however. I have a voucher from section 8 but can't use it since they have my rent up to more than I actually have coming in a month now. They have sanctioned me because of my disability not being recognized as yet by Social Security since I am now "in process" w/ the application for disability! This could take 2 years, for heaven sake, what do I do in the meantime? I can't even get a Dr. note for them because I have no medical care now. I still pray for help and for strength in all of this. Good News is that my daughter is NOW going to see the babies. She has a place to stay now, and she has a good guy to help her now, but they don't have much and it is a constant struggle for them. I have talked to my grandchildren for two weekly visits in a row now! They are so sweet! I don't know why the people in New York do not see how hard it has been on my daughter being homeless and having no income for the time the children have been gone. They seem to think she can get from Brooklyn to the Bronx quickly and for free or something...When she gets there they are forever cutting the visits short. She is supposed to get there on time, yet the foster care lady is always late, and then they always have to go after about a half an hour...rather than the two hours that are scheduled for her visit. I think that her attorney ought to be raising hell with the foster care agency about this crapola. Please pray for me in my situation. I am hoping that I can get a new place before court in November and get this mess with housing straightened out so that I can have a place for the children. It is so upsetting to me to have to worry all the time if the judge is going to see it the way N.Y.'s ACS office and the Children's Aid Society does. I can't imagine that they really think children are better off without their family. I also hate that the kids are allowed to call the foster care provider Grandma, simply because they hear the lady's biological grandchildren call her grandma! What is that about? She should have corrected them a long time ago and told them she was their friend, Jennifer or something similar. Please pray for my situation and if there are any suggestions that can help me let me know. Thank You. God Bless everyone here. I pray that you get what you need in the way of help. Grandma Steph.

Never say never: now it is the 20th of August and I am still hoping that I will be able to get to N.Y. to see my Grandbabies in Nov. and also to go to court and have the court hear my plea as to getting my darlings back home. Please everyone pray for me to find a way to get a nice place to move the end of Sept. and a way to get back into school, as well as money to get to New York to take care of seeing my babies and going in front of the judge. I just want them home so badly. I miss them more than anyone could ever know. Thanks everyone for all of your prayers on our behalf...it helps to know that people care. GrandmaSteph.

August the 15th, 2007. Well...I didn't make it to court in New York for the hearing on the 13th (2 days ago) the plane fare was to be over $600. and if I had gotten tickets then I would have spent the rent and my money for utilities...I am devastated, but all hope is not gone, I can now get tickets cheaper and go there for the Nov. 7th hearing. It just makes me mad that I have to go and show these jerks that I am good with the children and that I can interact well with them...I already was approved by Nebraska and now N.Y. is making me prove all this stuff to them. It isn't like the foster care parents there had to have any interaction with these kids before the children were given over to them! This is a bunch of bunk! Really! In the meantime the children get NO interaction with me, not a phone call or anything. They will end up forgetting me...and that is what New York seems to want to happen. My daughter isn't doing what she needs to to help the situation either. I am so distressed over all of this. Take Care all and God Bless you all. GmaSteph.

Thought you might find this link of particular interest. Blessings, Elaine
http://www.grandsplace.org/PHP -Nuke/modules.php?name=News&ne w_topic=2

Dear grandmasteph, you go girl, we all have you in our prayers,and you may be the one who will change the system, May God bless you and your Grandchildren,

Aug the 4th, 2007: I am still here, still plugging away. It has become clear that there is going to be no help for me to get to New York for court monetarily. I am just doing the best I can. I am working now with not only the law prof. but a group of people who are trying to change laws and make judges aware that there is a huge problem with this. Did anyone read about he case in Florida where a lady adopted 11 children out of New York Foster Care and was abusing them, and starving them? That may help us a little bit because now New York is under the gun because of the way their Foster Care system works and all the abuse of it, and the fraud involved to get federal government funds, etc. The Nixmary Brown Case almost two years ago was a big stink also...Maybe this sort of stuff will wake people up- For heaven sake! I am sitting here praying daily, as are so many people...Thanks everyone for all of your prayers...it means a lot to me. You are all in my prayers as well. Grandma Steph.

Dear Grandmasteph, Contact the Governor, Church's Social Services,Legal help for the elderly,If nothing else try a plea to your local TV station, and tell them your story

Well, it is the 27th of July and I am not very confident of having my babies back with me. I have friends writing the judge so that we can get her to consider my request to have my grandchildren, rather than adopt them out to the foster care people. I am hopeful that with all the letters that people are writing on my behalf and with everything that they will say to the judge that perhaps she will listen and understand that while I am not wealthy and in dire straights right now, it won't always be this way and it is not imperative to have money of all kinds to raise children. I will write soon. Hope the best for everyone. God Bless you all. gmasteph.

July 20, 2007: 11:42 P.M. I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do to help my babies. It seems that God has abandoned me. I feel like there isn't a soul in the world that can help me. I just go on only because I can't let Georgia down. I know that I have to keep going for her...everyone tells me not to give up on getting Jadah, Dante and Imani, but I can't understand how I am supposed to not give up--I can't even keep a phone on and I have to have that to talk to N.Y. for heaven sake. I just am sick of my life, so sick of it. I feel powerless and I feel like there is not one place to turn for help. I am devastated by all of this. How did my life get in this shape? I suppose that the druggie lifestyle of my daughters is the reason they are so unlikely to take care of their children or to help me when I try to. I just am so discouraged by all of this. Please someone, please help me. I don't know what to do any longer. Pray for answers for me, pray for my grandbabies to be returned to me. Pray for my daughters to get off their behinds and try to help with this situation. You are all in my prayers too. I hope that your lives improve also. There are so many people who have problems and there is so little help out there. We must support each other the best we can. g-maSteph.

July 19th,2007. Haven't had the heart to write much lately. I am not going to be able to access help, at least it is looking more and more like that. I am going to have to just sit here and watch my babies get "fitted" into someone else's life, get peeled away from the family they were born into and given to someone who isn't even related to them. The only bright spot that I am having is that I may end up with a job here by Mid August and that may slow the adoption down if the court will allow me a word or two or the kinship navigator can get someone in there to represent me. I just can't keep holding my breath, waiting and waiting for help. I have tried everything that I know to do and there doesn't seem to be a way to get this stuff done. I am a broken woman. I just hurt all the time over this. I don't see what these people in New York are doing this for. They don't care for the welfare of these children, they care for the federal matching funds and keeping their hand in. They are such jerks. They want these people to adopt them so that they can quit spending the money on them! I wonder if these people are doing a subsidized adoption or what? If they are then what is the point of adopting them out? They still have to pay the cash out to the people! If they aren't then how is a lady who is almost as old as I am gonna be able to pay the bills? Yeah, she works, but heck that isn't enough to take in three extra children, I would guess. I just don't understand. God Bless you all and keep you safe, your families close. G-Ma Steph.

It it now July 11th and I am no closer to finding a way to get to New York or anything else. I don't know what to do and I guess that now I really am going to lose my home. I can't take the kids in now unless a miracle happens. I am totally upset about the entire affair. It is not like I am a bad person and yet the cards are stacked against me now. I don't know where to turn. I wish I had someone to help me, but it doesn't seem possible now, and my daughter isn't really stepping up to the plate like she ought to do. I guess she just doesn't love her kids or something--you would think that it would be important for her to get her carcass over to see them and talk to that lawyer and etc. I have to get going for now, cooking a little something for little Georgia and myself to eat. God Bless everyone. gmaSteph.

Sat. July 7, 2007: early morning. It is becoming less and less likely that I will be able to go to N.Y. to attend the court hearing in August because of the fact that I just am not going to be able to get the money to go to New York. I don't see that I am going to hear from the jerks at ACS, or from the foster care agency, or the Children' Aid Society who are supposed to get back to me about helping me get there and finding me a place to stay for the couple of days that I would be there. I so want to see my grandchildren one more time, but it seems to be wishing for the impossible. I am not being negative, just trying to be realistic about the situation. I don't want the children adopted out however...it is obvious that their Momma isn't going to be getting them back. It pains me so that I spend a lot of time crying, praying, searching for answers...I don't know what else to do about this situation. Pray for me and my grandchildren...I appreciate the time that anyone takes to read this and any prayers and advice you can supply for me. grandmasteph.

7/5/2007: It is 4:30 in the morning, I am up and about having too much muscle and joint pain to sleep...can't lie in bed, it just hurts to darn much. Little one sleeping peacefully, a good thing, she got up quite early yesterday and didn't nap much. I am really starting to lose hope now. I don't know what to do about this nutty landlady of mine, she is so adamant about the things she gets her buns in a uproar about. You would think that since I don't damage her place, I try to keep the yard nice, & I keep the place clean all the time--that she would be happy! NO, not this woman. I have been in the other place here, where my young neighbors live and it is really a mess most of the time. Yeah, these kids work, but they are party-ers. When I have been there they had take out food containers covering the coffee table, it is obvious they sit in front of their big T.V. and "veg" quite often. The bathroom looked a mess. The young lady didn't know what to do with the spare bedroom upstairs so it is a junk room (I mean junk). A total mess, looks like stuff was tossed in there, not stored. There were dirty dishes and more of the overflow from the living room throughout the kitchen...these kids, or perhaps their friends, put tampons down the toilet and messed up the plumbing when they first moved here and my entire basement was flooded! What a mess that was, of course I had to hear the landlord yell about it--I finally told her that at 55 I have no need of those items, and at not quite 6 months (then) my granddaughter did not either! Gosh, wish I had a place to move and the money to do so. It would make it so much easier on me. I just can't do it right now, and I need to keep this place, where the home study was done, in case the court actually listens to reason in N.Y. and lets my grandchildren come back to Lincoln to live. I have to call the Kinship Navigator again today and see what Mr. Wallace found out as to if I can be involved with the court case via conference call. I would love to take the trip to New York and be able to see the children while I am there, but it will be cost prohibitive and I don't know that I can go. I have tried to find a job, and still looking...it is difficult to do right now, and it is also hard for an older, disabled person to find suitable work. I have additional problems because of my transportation issues. If there was a bus running out here on a regular basis, that would be better. We have a 6 hour hunk in the middle of the day when we have NO bus service out here. It is a real problem. This city has the worst bus service I have ever seen. So, that is very limiting. Even for appointments that I need to go to, I have to take Georgia, so unless they are really early in the a.m. or late in the afternoon and I can get a bus there and back...I am stuck. If I have an appt. at say 10 in the morning...I have to get to the bus stop, baby with me, at about 8 a.m. then go downtown, transfer to go to where I need to go, then I would have to wait at least 5 to 6 hours for a connecting bus to bring me back home when they start to run out here again! It is a total mess. How am I supposed to take the little one and keep her in her stroller for that long, keep her milk fresh, and food for her? Yeah, a huge problem. I suppose that I could carry a big cooler, along with a diaper bag, my purse and whatever else I need and then push the stroller too! It always amazes me that people who can go out and jump in their car, get their stuff done in an hour or two don't seem to get how difficult it is just to do the simple things for those of us who do not have quite so many options. I have to walk everywhere. I have walked as far as 6 miles round trip just to get a couple of gallons of milk for the baby! Of course she was with me, out in the heat and humidity. Well, it is now almost 5 a.m. I had better get going on what I have to do for today. I wish everyone a pleasant day, many joys, the help you need, and the strength to overcome your obstacles. Please pray for me in my situation, and know that I pray for you also. grandmasteph.

7/3/07: Well, the landlord is on the way over to collect her rent, she is sure right on time, as usual. She will charge a late charge if the rent is not in her hands by the date specified. That woman is so darn money hungry it is unreal. I just got my check for Georgia's child support and the one for Nessa comes later this month. It is just crazy that this woman doesn't even care that I have no way to the bank and don't have enough to live on in the first place, she is always ready to charge me a late fee or whatever else she can do to make my life even more miserable. I finally told her that since tomorrow is a holiday and the banks are not open can she just take my signed over Government check and deposit it and I will write her a personal check for the rest of the rent. She seems to be OK with that. At least I can save a late fee and also a bad check fee! Dear Lord this woman is such a nasty thing. I can't understand people like her. I hope she never is in a position to need a favor from someone as nasty as she is, because if she ever is-she will be in deep do-do. God Bless you all, hope that your troubles are few and your joys many. gmasteph.

Thursday: 6/28/07. I am sitting here wondering what next...now my stupid phone isn't working right. I can call people but they can't hear me, and they can call in but can't hear me...what a mess! I can't believe this! I have this Voip phone from Earthlink and the connection sucks, as well as the online chat support. What a joke, I am paying for nothing. They have issues with connection all the time. Now I can't take a call from a lawyer or the law professor who is trying to help me. It is amazing to me how my life keeps taking a turn for the worst. My youngest daughter is still having a constant headache after that car wreck...and the people she insisted on staying with have managed to steal the hundred dollars she had left. It makes me sick to think that she won't learn to stay away from trashy folks like that. I don't know what is going on with her head, but she forgets stuff now, she didn't remember that she told me about the accident down in Texas before she ever came back here or anything. It concerns me big time. I wish she would just stay here. It is a problem, but she doesn't understand that she doesn't need to go to Texas to stay because the court case is down there. She can contact a lawyer up here, I think. I don't know, whatever...I guess. Well, hope your day is going better than mine, because mine sucks. God Bless. Grandmasteph.

Wednesday, 6/27/2007. The little one is taking a late afternoon nap. She was really tuckered out so I put her down in her crib and she fell right to sleep. I am trying to decide what to make for dinner. We had a simple ham sandwich for lunch, with some fruit and milk. Breakfast was Chorizo (Mexican) sausage hash and eggs. Now, I am not sure what to do for dinner. I am leaning toward chicken or fish, don't know which I prefer...We will not eat until about 7:30 or so, there is still time to think about it for a bit. I am expecting a call from the Kinship Navigator tomorrow. That is the place in New York that is trying to help me with getting some legal representation and all for the court date in Aug. I am getting anxious but I know that I ought to just be glad that I have some help to try and do anything. I guess it is just really scary to think of my life without the children in it. I have not heard back from the law guardian about if I can get phone calls from the children as yet...It has only been several weeks now! They can't figure out why I call and bug them all the damn time but they are so slow about ever getting back to a person, even when they say they will get right back to you. Lord! What a bunch of do nothing, know nothing, don't give a hang, Jerks! It isn't any skin off their noses so they don't care at all I just can't stand these jokers in New York: they think that just because they have done something one way for a long time that there is no reason to change the way they do things! Well, enough of my venting for today. Hope you all have a great day, take care and God Bless You all. grandmasteph.

It is the 26th of June, 2007. I picked some black eyed susan's today from my flower beds and put them in a tall vase in the middle of my dinning table. They are bright yellow and make me feel better. I wish I had some bachelor buttons out there, but alas, do not. I love them but they tend to fade rather quickly when cut. Have been busy with phone calls for help in my situation with the kids, and also with the little one who is sleeping right now. I am bogged down with laundry to do and cooking to get started for tonight. I should not even be online, but I wanted to see if I had any email that I needed to pick up and read. I need to make a store list, my friend Tina is going to take me to the store with her later on and I really need several items including diapers for the little one. I wish you all every happiness you are accorded for today, tomorrow and always. May God shine in your life, and make a difference in how you look at the world. grandmasteph.

It is the 25th of June, 2007. I am still here, still waiting for a miracle. I read in my Bible, I pray, I hope, I cry, I stumble, I fall, but I get back to my feet again, still ready to fight for my darling grandchildren. My hope lies in the power of the Lord. On a happy note, my best friend's great granddaughter is with her now, since Saturday. The little one had been staying with a friend of the family, due to circumstances for a prolonged time, although the family was able to see her frequently...thank God. I am so thrilled for my friend. This has been a burden that has been very heavy for a very long time, now she is happier and her heart is lighter. I am so glad for her. It is a reason to be thankful. I will close for now, please offer prayers of thanks for my friend and her family...and pray that I have a happy outcome to my troubles also. I don't care about the tangibles of life, I care for the things that are held close to my heart...the riches in my life are exemplified by the beautiful little ones who are pictured above in my posts. I will pray for all of you, my friends. I trust that your problems will not be insurmountable, that your faith is strong, and that you are given what you need in order to overcome your situations. grandmasteph.

June the 23rd, 2007. My younger daughter is back to town from Texas. I haven't seen her as yet, not that I haven't been sitting here with her little baby girl all day waiting for her to show, I have been. I am just hoping for some help out of her with keeping my place. I don't know what else to do or say when it comes to her. She promised me some help, but it doesn't seem to be forth coming. I want my other daughter to give me a call so that I can talk to her about getting into some type of drug treatment program, etc. She can stop the clock on this adoption if she will just get her butt busy on straightening her life out! It isn't that hard to stop the clock, but she won't get herself in touch with her lawyer. I need her to listen to me on this. Why she won't get help is beyond me. She claims that she wants these babies, but she is doing nothing to get them back. Is she really that uncaring about the darling children she claims to love so much? I don't know what to think. Pray for my situation and if you know of anything that can help me, let me know what that is. I need to get help to get my babies back home. I am so scared of losing them forever. Please if anyone can help me with this in any way, let me know. May God Bless You, and Yours. GrandmaSteph.

June 21st, 2007: I heard from my friend who was fleeing domestic abuse, she has arrived at her destination safely and called to let me know. Another prayer answered. My youngest daughter was in a car accident tonight in TX. A UPS driver, who was speeding hit her and a friend's car...her head broke the windshield. I told her to get to the hospital right away. It sounds like she may have a concussion or something similar. I hope she will be OK. She is supposed to leave TX tomorrow on the bus to head back here to Lincoln. I told her to get a copy of the police report and etc. and hospital records...We will need them to give to the Dr. up here if there is a need. I sure as the devil do not want her to sign any releases at all. There is no way that I am going to let her release UPS from responsibility for her injury when God knows what could happen later on. I just put her little girl to bed and she is already sleeping. She took a rather long afternoon nap today so she was not really very tired till now. I am still working toward getting some help in New York for court. I need to get a lawyer to hear me and take this case on a pro bono basis so that the judge will take my position into consideration in the case. It is impossible to work this out long distance and I am being told that the judge won't even listen to me unless I have representation in court by a lawyer. That is not right, but I am not going to argue with people who know how the New York Family Court System works. It doesn't work well, from what I understand, the entire family court system is broken and needs revamped from what people there are telling me. So, good night to you all. May God bless you and may your troubles be few and your joys great. grandmasteph.

20th of June, 2007. I hope you are all doing well today. I am going to rest a bit because on less than 5 hours of sleep I just can't function. I sent my friend off this a.m. to get out of this state, and be safe from an abusive marriage. I pray that she is OK and that she and her young daughter are going to be alright. I have known them for about ten years now. At any rate, I will be still trying to get stuff done with securing legal advice and getting someone to represent me in New York's Family Court. I hope that I can find someone, I won't be heard when court comes up unless I obtain legal representation. I will let you all go for now. Please remember my friend in your prayers, and also my family situation. I appreciate any help that can be offered to me, advice, prayer, encouragement, money...whatever you can offer me... grandmasteph.

Georgia is playing and I am simmering some split pea and bacon soup for later on. I have a dear friend who is in trouble with an abusive man. He is becoming physically abusive. He has been mentally abusive for a couple of years now. At any rate, please pray for her and her child--they need to find respite and a safe place to be. I hope that your life is good today, that you all have hope for the future, that you get some rest, some food, some comfort...God Bless you all. I pray for your recovery from whatever problems life is heaping on your shoulders...remember the Lord will provide the means for you to help yourself. grandmasteph.

just trying to keep the wolf from the door around here. I am so done under with little money and not much help in the way of financing to live that it is hard to keep my head up. I get pretty down sometimes, but know that I have to keep trying, for the sake of my grandchildren.

Just posted the above from shitalshah on my anti-scammers groups pages. These are locked down groups because of infiltration by scammers being "helped" by people who actually fall in love with them! It does happen! At any rate, I posted his/her info--they are mostly men, even those pretending to be women. At any rate, that is my good deed today. I know there are lots of people in need, just as I am but these scammers cause a lot of grief and suffering to people who desire to be helpful to others and who are legitimate. My quest is for help dealing with ACS in New York and to regain my grandchildren, on the face of it. If I can help others with prayer, advice, comfort, and encouragement along the way-then that is a great thing. I wish all of you rainbows at the end of the storm. God Bless. Grandmasteph.

The above has been sent to the co-founder of this site and I requested removal of the profile from Aidpages. This is obviously from a scammer. The signs are there. I belong to a couple of anti-scammers groups on yahoogroups and this is showing a lot of red flags. I also posted to this person and told them of my suspicion and advised them of my post to the co-founder of this group (Emil) The reason I left this on my page was so that people who read my aidpage can see what these scammers write like. The spacing is not correct, such as a space, a comma and the next word right after. The grammer is deplorable, the I is almost always small, rather than uppercase. The spelling is horrible also (they don't seem to know how to use grammer check and spell check). The tenses are all wrong. (ie. , i am very poor men and i am not active that amount ,and that way i think i lost my wife but otherwise you send sum money for medical tritetment so ,i am very thanks full to you.) The last exchange was copied directly from the message above this one. Just wanted everyone to know why I left this up there. Take Care everyone and may God shine a light in the darkness and lift the yoke from your neck. Granny.

Tuesday early morning, June 19, 2007. Just got back up online today earlier. I have been out of both a phone and a computer for several days. What a mess not having enough to get along on is. I don't know what to do other than try to ride out the storm. Having my grandchildren in peril is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I can't begin to explain how deeply hurt I am by the refusal of the law guardian in New York to listen to me and understand what I am saying to her. It bothers me that there are all these "concerns" that they have there. How is it that no one here in Nebraska had a concern about me as a care provider for my grandchildren? It makes no sense at all. The deal is that they don't want to let go of my grandchildren and they have this woman that wants to adopt them, why on earth move them when they are "adjusted"? That is a wacked out attitude, if you ask me. That makes no sense. Why would this woman want to adopt them when she has grandchildren of her own? Why is there this insistence that they are just fine without their family around? I can't understand this and I never will be able to. It isn't like it makes sense. I wish I could get answers to what is going on. I will write more later on. I am getting a bit upset to write at the moment.

It is Flag Day today, June 14. I am feeling a bit better because I have now gotten hold of a person who MAY be able to help me. I am not sure if they can or not, but MAYBE it will be possible. I am also concentrating on getting Laura to call her lawyer and talk to him in New York. He may be able to go to court and stop the ticking of the clock by having her ask for help for drug addiction or something. I don't know, she smokes marijuana I know. I told her to tell them she wants help to quit it and that she wants to take parenting classes, do whatever they want to re-gain custody of the kids. I want them back with our family, perhaps they will give them to her again and she will come back to Nebraska with them...If not then I want them here with me. It isn't fair to take them from me because I am poor. I know that they want them to have a good life, but they make it all about money all the time and it is not about money. A good life isn't bought, it comes from other things. I wish I could convince the foster care agency and the social worker that those things that you hold in your heart are worth much more than the tangibles that you hold in your hand. God Bless you all, may the sun shine down upon you today. May a gentle breeze blow your troubles away. Stephanie.

I just got a call from the law professor that I was referred to in New York. He is a champion of grandparents rights, he had an emergency call but will call me back, he even gave me his home phone number. He told me that the ACS and the Foster Care Agency are just using delaying tactics to keep me from having my grandchildren because they are not able to monitor the situation from there if they send them here and they have a family where the children are together and they are doing well in it. They are not giving weight to what I say at all. They obviously have a family who wants to adopt them, so they are discounting what I say. I am awaiting another call from him because he is wanting more information from me. He works with law students and perhaps they can represent me in this matter. I hope so, he is very nice, caring seems to know the law quite well. I am being very truthful with him, as I was with the ACS people and also with the foster care people. I am sick of being crucified for my lack of money, my lack of material stuff. I have a nice home, a good heart and lots of love to give to my grandchildren, what can be the problem? I told him the children were also multi-racial so I wonder if there will be any help from the Cherokee or Seminole tribes with this. My daughter also has Native American blood from her father's side, so maybe there is some help there, although I don't think any of the people are registered in a tribe. I am hoping for the best, praying for God to hear my pleas and trying to remain strong. Pray for the well being of my grandchildren, that is the most important thing. Love to you All, Thanks for all your prayers and your notes to me, they mean more than you can ever imagine. The notes lift me up when I feel hopeless, giving me a renewed sense of hope, the prayers offered on my family's behalf are always appreciated. Stephanie.

Hi Stephanie, I'm sorry I've been out of touch for a while. Life has been very busy since the start of summer. I read up on your blogs and feel the emotional cuts and bruises that you're dealing with right now. I think you have to be the strongest person that I have ever met. So courageous, so true. You truly are the model archetypical hero that I've been writing about. Perhaps, once I'm done with this little bit of fiction fantasy, I will do a little literary and tell your story. You are just so compelling, your quest is set before you with all of it's monsters that you must face. Daunting the task may be, battered and bruised you've been, but never broken is your spirit and love. Continue your course, Stephanie and slay those dragons! Tammi

Monday, June 11, 2007. I am still trying. Got a call from the state of New York today. A Mrs. James, she told me she will look over the case and see what she can tell me to do. I am very skeptical as to if she will give me good advice at all, but what have I got to lose? New York says it isn't about money, yet they keep telling me the judge will want to know how I am going to support the kids. What? How does the foster care Mother do it? Perhaps on the $3,000. a month they give her? DUH! They are sitting here saying they can't monitor the case if it is out of state! I thought that was what the ICPC was for--to have a caseworker here from CPS to monitor for New York, as a courtesy. None of this makes any sense to me at all. I don't get it--New York says one thing, then another, then another. Good Lord, what is the problem? I can't believe these people...what? Is the paperwork of this too darn much for them? They act like it is a big imposition to do this. My God, they are difficult to work with. I am sick of these people tearing apart my family and then just acting like they are in the right to do so.

Go forth and slay the demons that haunt your life! The crusade is on!

Sunday early a.m. June the tenth, two thousand and seven. Hurting both physically and emotionally this a.m. Seems to be the story of my life lately. Have some things to get done before taking Georgia and heading over to the church. I found a nice little Presbyterian congregation situated on our street, just a block or so away. I was actually raised in the Greek Orthodox Church (ie. My Big Fat Greek Wedding movie) however it is way across town and I have no way to get there. Right now that particular church is without a priest of our own due to the retirement of our previous clergy. So, I found a church that is bible-based and mainstream to attend. My arm and back are really hurting right now, I suppose there is a weather change coming in or something. I seem to have built in barometric pressure indicators! Today is a brand new start, Time to rest, regroup, worship our creator, give thanks for what we do have, rather than bemoaning the fact that we do not have everything we need. I am trying to be thankful and remember that my little Georgia is fine, sleeping peacefully in the next room, that my three other grandchildren are being watched over by the Lord, even though they are not here with me. It hurts not to be with Jadah, Dante, and Imani but I must accept that they are not here for now. That does not mean I am giving up, it just means that for now I have to understand that there is no way for them to be here. I just pray that one day they will be here with me. I hope that everyone who reads this will be thankful for the blessings they do have right now, this day. I know that there are times when our problems seem insurmountable, but don't give up and give in. Sometimes it is better to retreat and regroup, in order to live and fight another day. Wars are won with little battles. My Mother's Father, was just a common man, kind, unassuming, not terribly well educated, an immigrant from the Mediterranean area...used to say "have faith, bean by bean the sack will fill up." He may not have been well educated, but the wisdom that he expounded at times was extraordinary. May God bless you all, and help you to win your little battles, thus allowing you to eventually win the war.

Hi granmasteph It seems like the 'system' works against us instead of for us. It isn't right that someone who loves her grandchildren should be deprived of them ( and they of her) . What is wrong with our government , anyway ? The workers in government have become so callous that they don't even see the humanity in the people they work with. I really pray that someday , the people who work in government are required to live like a person in the system has to live for at least 6 months before they can recieve any job. Walk a mile in someones shoes . . . Anyway , I am keeping you and your grandkids and family in my prayers. Nebraska seems so much better a place to raise those grandchildren than the Bronx. Take comfort in knowing that the Lord is watching over those children no matter where they are .. And , He is watching over you. He can make things right again. PUt your faith in Him.He rules over all this , and He can change it. In HIS Grace, soulight

Saturday, 9, June 2007. I am feeling crushed and defeated right now. I know I ought to think in a more positive mode-it is difficult however when one keeps running their head into a brick wall. I don't understand why it is preferable to adopt my grandchildren out to a woman who is as old as I am, widowed, and has her own grandchildren to raise. Why not send them back to me and let me have my family back? It isn't like I didn't pass a home study or like the children haven't been in my care before. For heaven sake, what is the problem? I don't understand what the deal is here. Why not let me have my grandchildren? It is absolutely nuts to leave them there in New York and allow that woman to keep them. They can't tell me that the 3 thousand bucks she makes a month doesn't have a thing to do with that. In fifteen months of having them she has been paid $45,000 by the state of New York. Not bad for a part time job, she also works during the day, so the kids are in daycare! I realize it is expensive to live in New York, but it isn't like she lives in the East 80's, she lives in the Bronx (mostly Ghetto area) for heaven sake. Dear God, I do not get it. I don't understand why these babies are not being allowed to know their entire family because they have parents who are not responsible. It isn't fair and all I hear is how the family court in New York is so messed up and how the foster care system needs revamping...well, what is wrong with these people? What a chain of incompetence and an uncaring, unforgiving attitude. I don't get these idiotic, fundamentally screwed up people--seems like the insane are running the asylum there or something. I am still praying, still trying-it is just so difficult when one has limited resources and is unable to obtain legal help. God Bless everyone. I hope your troubles are few and your joys in life great. Grandma Steph.

Friday, June 8, 2007. It is early in the morning, I have gotten Georgia started on her breakfast so I am just getting around to checking emails and that sort of thing. Hoping to hear something today from the lawyer in N.Y. and being able to access some help for my situation with them. I am having to give up my own medical coverage now because my income is going to take another unneeded hit by July. I am having to apply Georgia for a relative payee, but in order to do that and keep my child-support, which will be lower than now (from 357 a mo. to 238 a mo.) I have to give up my medical. At least I can still have medical coverage for the baby. If I leave things the way they are then I will be paying 298 for rent, when I only have 238 coming into the household! That would be a bit tricky! I just pray for my own health to stay stable for a bit now. I am going to have to go in and get my glasses fixed and stop wearing these magnifying ones that came from the drug store after the bifocals broke. I know these are not ideal but at the time it happened I didn't have medical either so I had to do something. Couldn't see well enough to read my textbooks or take exams at the college, so had to get "cheater glasses." So, I have to make appts. and get everything done as soon as possible coz I won't be covered after the 30th of June. At any rate, the relative payee along with the reduced child support will give me about a hundred dollars more a month than the meager amount I have to work with now. A hundred and sixty two is better to have left after you pay rent than fifty-nine! I know it is still a very small amount but then again at least it is something. I am also looking for good prices on the internet to see if I can get cheaper airfare, I think that I can actually get it cheaper than train tickets and about as cheap as bus tickets, buying ahead and using some discounts, etc. I am hoping so. I would rather fly and just get there and back. I don't want to leave Georgia here with friends too long, she is so attached to me and I don't want to cause her any undo distress. I suppose in a way it would be good for her to be with others...she is really attached to me big time. The thing is that I never am away from her...I don't have much of a life I guess, I am here at home with her all the time and living away from the core of the city we don't get that much company most of the time. So, that is what is going on for me right now. I am trying to keep things positive and trying to get stuff done in a precise, logical order. I pray all the time for strength to get through all this and bring my darling babies home. Please include me in all your prayers. I am grateful today for these little glimmers of hope and the love of friends to help me through. God bless you, each of you. Stephanie.

hi g-mom fight till the end those babbies need you!

I sure am feeling a little bit better now, I have so much support from people who are praying and encouraging me with kind words and suggestions as to where to look for help. I am trying to keep this house and also to get a way to get to N.Y. so that I can attend the court hearing in August. I am hoping that I can just keep the rent and utilities paid up until I have to go to N.Y. and then I need to get to N.Y. and go to court so that the judge will render a decision. If I don't show up-there is really no way that I can get the children. I am hoping that the judge sees how sincere I am about getting there and seeing my grandchildren. Please help, I need all your prayers, and suggestions, not that I would ever turn down financial help if you can offer it! I have the address of my church posted above, if anyone wishes to contribute funds. I will use the funds for things like bills to allow me to keep this house or fare to N.Y. at court time. Thank You all for any help that you can give to me. God Bless you all-may your troubles be few and your joys great. Grandma Steph.

Hi Grandma, I will be praying for you and your grandchildren, if those are pictures of your little ones they are so precious. I will be praying for your circumstances. In the meantime, keep your head up and look to the hills, where your strenghth and help comes from (Psalms 121). Love You, Your Sister in Christ Denise

Early Sunday Morning: June 3, 2007; I am a little bit down right now, my daughter has not gotten back to me for a day or so now. I don't know where she is-was on her way back to N.Y. from Pennsylvania when I talked to her before...now I haven't heard from her. I talked to the parish council president of my home church yesterday again. He is bringing up my problem to the board in a couple of days, when they meet. I am in hopes that maybe there will be a collection taken up or something on my behalf. I attended that church all my life, I was baptized there and my Mother was a pillar of that church. I had my children baptized there also. I am hoping that there are some benevolent souls there who are in a position to be of help to me. It seems to be a horrendous problem to just get a little bit of help. Most of the agencies in town will help one time with a small amount of money for rent, or maybe utilities but there is nothing that will help you if you can't maintain things after a one time assist. My landlord is a bit on the "strange" side. She would not even sign the paperwork from an agency that was offering a hundred dollars toward my share of the rent, she insisted that it was a "contract" and that she HAD to accept that amount forever for my share of the rent (the portion that HUD won't pay). I explained that I would pay the other 2/3 of the rent myself and had the agency lady call her...NOW, she is charging me a late fee because SHE threw the paperwork away 2 weeks ago and it has to be re-issued and so her money from the agency will be in a bit late! She seems to think this is MY FAULT! Sometimes I wonder about people. I have tried to talk to the people at Catholic Social Services but have to have an eviction notice. They were going to help me last month but I went ahead and paid the $298. for my share of the rent, using up most of the child support of $357. I get, so now they won't help me either. All my utility bills are in danger of being shut off, since I used the little money I had for rent. It is a real mess. I have an appt. with a place called Vocational Rehab this coming Friday and don't know if I can even get there. It is clear across town and I don't have bus service out here where I live. I am going to have to beg social services for a cab voucher and don't know if they can supply one or not. So...here I sit, praying and hoping that there is some help in sight. Please everyone if you can think of some way for me to get help with the problems I am having, let me know. I have to keep this house to even start to get the children home, or else have to give up on the situation and become homeless with my other grandchild, who is sleeping in the next room peacefully unaware of the mess invading our lives.

Checking on Blandon, PA. It is rural, about ten miles outside of Reading, PA. Which is city of about 85,000. I know that the Berks County area of PA. is lovely. I also know that Reading has some crime and drug problems, however that is true of most places one can go these days. I am impressed with the fact that for a short drive (about 130 miles)I can get to the Bronx where my grandchildren are located in the foster care and see them. That is sure a lot better than 1400 miles from here. I wish that I knew if my daughter's new friend was serious about letting us live in the house, with him. My worry, of course, is that he and she will fight and that I will then be out of a place to live. I am hoping that we can discuss this all together soon. It would seem to be an answer to a prayer, if it is indeed something that will happen. I am in hopes that perhaps a move to an area closer to where the children will impress the judge with my willingness to do everything in my power to be with my grandchildren. I am sure that I can pass a home study there as well as I did here...there should not be a big difference in the home study. If I can get to New York then I can at least see the kids, have a place in their lives, spend time showing N.Y. interaction of thm and myself. Perhaps then I can apply for custody of the children. Pray that this is actually a grand opportunity and not another dead end. I am in prayer daily for all of my friends to find answers on aidpage to help them with whatever their own problems are. Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement in my endeavor. God Bless each and every single one of you. Steph.

The grandbabies Momma called me from Pennsylvania. She (it seems) met a guy who has a lot of real estate holdings. He told her she can bring me and the baby who is here up there and we can live in the house he has there. I don't know if this is on the up and up, but it will be within driving distance to New York where I can go and see the kids any time I want to. Maybe this is God's answer to all the prayers? I don't know...I hope so. I just want to believe her so bad and I want to be near where my grandchildren are so that I can spend time with them. Pray for me and maybe this is an answer. G-ma Steph.

Blue Day. I am praying and I am hoping that my prayers are answered in an affirmative way. Maybe God knows that I have a full plate here now and just doesn't think I can handle three more kids. Maybe I am just wanting too much. I don't know, I just want my babies home and here where I can see them and hold them close to me. They are always in my heart, but they are my blood and I want them to be close and want to be able to see them so I know they are OK. Got to go. May God Bless you all. S.

I am up and about, a friend called and told me that they think her b/f may have colon cancer. She lost the father of her youngest child (now grown) when she was pregnant with his daughter and so, of course, she is totally devastated over this news. He isn't good to her, runs around on her, uses her for money, etc. but she loves him and it is so difficult. I pray that she is able to get through this. She is a nice person and she is so scared right now. To top it off, I was trying to comfort her and talk to her, pray with her and my darn phone went dead. It was on the charger, but something must be wrong with it. At any rate, I am now trying to charge it up. I wrote an offline message on messenger to my grandbabies Mother and told her that I really am upset with her because she has not stopped the drug use or bothered to see her children when she can do so every week...I told my other daughter, who is so selfish that she took off with 2/3 of the money that comes into our household a few mos. ago-forcing me to use up all the savings taking care of expenses for her baby and myself...that between her and the children's Mother, they are directly responsible for the loss of my grandchildren. N.Y. seems to think that this is all about money and that I don't generate enough income to be able to get the babies here. The foster care people want to adopt them and so I will be unable to get them. The law guardian will not recommend to the judge that I have them. They tell me to go to N.Y. so the judge can see me and talk to me in court...how can I do that? I can't even pay my rent and utilities and keep my home so they have somewhere to come home to. I lost a home once before, when the Mother of Jadah, Dante and Imani burned my paid for house down 13 days after my Mom died of cancer! She was ten and angry so she started a fire in a closet. The insurance company called it arson and didn't pay for a thing! NOW she, after all I have tried to do to help her, is responsible for taking my grandchildren away from my care and losing them to N.Y. My younger daughter is so selfish that she can't deal with her baby, due to the rape, but she won't help me by staying in school and at home so she could help me by collecting the SSI that she can get...so I have only a small amount of income and N.Y. won't give me my grand children and I am losing my home. How on earth can I forgive them? I know that God forgives anything, I just don't know that I am going to ever be able to forgive either of them. Pray for me. I don't know where to turn, only God can save the day now.

I am handing this to God, he will do what is just, what is right, what is good for my grandbabies. I pray that he will see fit to send them to me. I hope that he will understand the longing of a grandmother for the babies that she raised for so long. I am trying very hard to have faith. I want them home, I want to have a relationship with them and I would much rather that they were able to be with me, than without me. I don't want them raised by people who are not their biological relatives. I wish I could tell you what devastation can befall them there in New York. I want them to be safe and secure here in Lincoln with me. I know bad things can happen here also but I want them to know where they come from, what their life was before their Mother took them to New York and lost them to ACS. Pray for them, please. God Bless all of you, I pray that you get help for your problems. Stephanie.

Talked to a law teacher at a Grandparents rights group in New York. She is telling me that the fact that I have a low income is against me because the law states that I must have enough income to get along on without the money I would get for maintenance of the children. She says it will be very beneficial for me to go to N.Y. so the judge can see me and see how sincere I am about wanting my grandchildren. I am so tired...so scared that I may never see the kids again. I don't know what to do...I don't have money and I don't have a way to do this now. Please, please someone help me. I just have to have some money to keep going. I don't have any left. I am devastated by this and I don't know where else to turn. God Bless everyone. I hope that I may be able to get some help before the foster family adopts these babies. They have expressed interest in all three.

Above is an angel over troubled water. I am so thankful for all my "angels" who are helping me and who are taking care of my darling grandchildren. Stephanie.

Well, called the N.Y. legal office and they let me talk to someone who said that they would be discussing this case among themselves and would get back to me Monday or Tuesday of next week. Also had a call from the Ombudsman's Office here in Lincoln and they are trying to see what they can find out. I am hoping things are looking up. The lawyer told me that this sort of thing is typical of New York, esp. the foster care agencies because of the fact that they get Federal Matching Funds for every single child they have in an out of home placement. I have known that for years, just was nice to hear someone else say it! I pray, and pray...I did take time this morning to thank God for hearing my pleas to help me be reunited with my grandchildren. Please everyone pray harder than ever...we are being heard. This is proof to me, it really helped me to feel better. I just keep praying and believing that God will find a way and the proper people to help me. Thank You all so much for your prayers. I am still trying to keep my home, of course, so that the kids can have a place to come to. Thank You again. I will keep you all in my prayers. I know you all need help too. May you all be blessed, may you all know the power and love of the Lord. May you all see light at the end of the tunnel and not feel that it is the headlight of an oncoming train. Be Strong, and when you can't let God carry you-he is always strong. Stephanie.

Hello! Hope everyone had a good night's sleep and is rested and able to take on whatever they need to take on today. I am calling a law firm in New York back today, seeing if it is possible to take on representing my interests in New York for the custody of the children. I need representation there but can't go there and present my case myself, so if this law firm will take the job pro bono--that would be a huge help to me. I have missed six of my grandchildrens birthdays now, 2 each. I have missed all the milestones of the last 2 years! That really hurts me and it hurts even worse to know that missing them every moment of every single day could become a permanent condition. I just can't understand why the law guardian and that social worker from her office aren't glad that there is a relative who wants the children and is willing to take on the job of raising them all, giving them a permanent home! I don't get why "the system" is just busting up homes. When Barack Obama says that government is too big-this is what he is talking about. What business does government have meddling in people's lives to this extent? I understand that parents who actually abuse children ought not have them, parents who abuse drugs and alcohol ought not have them either...but when there are relatives who can care for the children, who are decent people and who are qualified to raise them--what is wrong with just turning them over to them? I will get off here for now. I have some calls to make and while Georgia is still sleeping it is a good time to do that. God Bless everyone. May your blessings be many, your troubles few. Stephanie.

Good Morning everyone: I am back from out of town. We were able to deal with the "uninvited guests" that my friend had found herself flooded with from God only knows where. At any rate, the grandchildren are now going to help in the clean up of the mess after bombing the house. My little Georgia Rose was really trying but unless one of us was holding her, she was ballistic most of the time. She is so sweet, but so totally attached to me that she won't allow anyone else to try and comfort her should I be busy. I know the deal with her is that she and I are alone here at home most all the time. I don't have a vehicle to drive and live pretty far out so we don't have a lot of company running through here all the time--a good share of the time it is Georgia and Grandma and that is all. I am still dealing with the knot-heads in N.Y. My friend, Sandi was pretty saddened being here for that overnight visit. She looked at me with, close to tears and said, "God, if the people who are holding the strings in New York could only see your house, how nice you keep it and how homey it is: they would send the kids here in a second" I don't know, they sure seem resistant to any suggestion to me that the grandchildren would be better off here in Lincoln rather than the Bronx. My God, don't people understand that these children were not born in that "war zone" and were transplanted there by their Mother and Imani's Father? They were born in a town of 250,000 that is super friendly, very low crime rate, and has plenty of room to run and play. We had ONE MURDER in this entire town in the last three months. Actually there was only one for longer than that, the stats I can get off our city website only go back for 90 days. I wonder how many murders the Bronx racks up in a single day? You would think that since I have been deemed a suitable placement and that I have a nice home and a good neighborhood to have them in, have had them before for such a prolonged time, AND am the biological grandparent of all three children that it would be an open and shut case! I am coming up on another rent payment and still trying to get Lincoln Action to help as well as Catholic Social Services. My Lord these agencies are slow to get a thing done. They have had the paperwork for eons it seems. I really need the help. Oh well...all I can do is wait. I hope everyone is doing fine and that everyone is making progress on their situations. I feel like I am at a sort of standstill, hope I can get things done. In the meantime I pray that we all get the help we need so desperately. Steph.

My best friend is coming to town to see us tonight, we are then going to her place tomorrow so I can help her get some things done that she can't do because she is disabled and not able to. Her family that is close by are not too helpful to her in that sort of thing so I am going to go and help. I have some physical problems also but I can do things that she doesn't dare attempt. She is such a wonderful person, always willing to do what she can to help a person, always offering prayers and support. I don't think I have ever heard her say really unkind things about anyone, she simply says that they are not as nice as she would have hoped or something similar. She has such a constant and abiding faith, such compassion, such love for her fellow human beings...she reminds me of my Mom who was a truly remarkable woman. Sandi, when you read this, I want you to know that I am very serious about every word that I have put here. You are much, much more than a friend to me. Thank you for everything through the years.

I HAD BE PRAY TO FIND SOMEONE TO CHAT WITH ABOUT HE AND REALLY PRAY WITH. I AM GLAD HE SHOWED ME THIS AIDPAGE. I ALMOST DIDN'T DO THIS.THANK GOD I DID.I REALLY ENJOY CHATING WITH YOU YOU HELP ME ALSO. DONOT GIVE UP THE FAITH LITEHOUSE

GOOD AFTERNOON THANK YOU FOR GRACEFUL WORDS. YES IT IS TO HELP OTHERS WHEN YOU ARE DOWN YOURSELF. BUT WHEN YOU HELP OTHERS THERE IS A WARMNESS INYOUR HEART YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN. THAT'S THE WAY I GET. I KNOW GOD HAS ME HERE FOR A PUPOSE. HE LOVES US SO MUCH AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SOMETIMES BUT I'M GLAD HE DOES.HE HAS BEEN MY ROCK. WHATEVER YOU DO, WORK IT AT WITHYOUR HEART, AS WORKING FOR THE LORD, NOT FOR MEN 1COLOSSIANS 3:23 LITEHOUSE

GOOD MORNING I KNOW SOMEDAYS ARE HARDER TO DEAL WITH WHEN OTHERS WHEN YOU ARE FIGHT FOR SOMETHING GOOD, BUT THAT IS SATAN TRYING TO MAKE YOU GIVE UP. YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM TO HIT THE ROAD YOU ARE NOT TAKING MY JOY. THINK OF SOME THING POSSITIVE. THANK GOD YOUR HERE AND KEEP SMILING. I'M GLAD YOU ARE HELPING ME. KEEEP HELPING OTHERS AND IT KEEPS YOU FROM BEING SO DOWN. THAT IS WHY CHAT WITH YOU. IT IS NICE TO HERE FROM SOME ONE WHO CARES ABOUT SOMEONE YOU NEVER MEET. GOD IS GREAT!!!! LITEHOUSE

Don't ask, I am no poet, but I just felt like that a bit ago, so I wrote it down. I do think what we do in life is important, it matters...How we treat others, how we live our life. Nothing is certain, God doesn't promise us an easy life, but if we should truly believe in him, we may have life everlasting. I find myself trying to make sense of my situation and unable to do so. I find myself in doubt at times, but I try to remember that I must have faith that God will do what is right for my grandchildren. I pray that I may be what God feels is right for them.

Gray shadows, swelling up, halting the neon of a long day, just as spring's blanket of green covers the tattered, torn, winter mantle. Bound together, so tightly they can't be unraveled-life and death, a road worn and well traveled. What lives in the in between, what resides there, filling up the time, that is what matters, weather it brings tragedy or something more sublime.

Look to the heavens.

It is 1:55 a.m. and we, Georgia and I both had fallen asleep early on last night, she is up having a drink and I am up on the computer, I can't sleep any longer, aches and pains. My back hurts and my legs are aching. I can care for the baby however, so that is a good thing. I am still praying and hoping that the state of New York foster care system can be persuaded to be of service helping families reunite rather than tearing them totally apart. I don't know how these places call themselves "child welfare agencies" when they are tearing apart families, rather than helping families stay together and rather than putting money into helping the biological family instead of the foster care family. I am not saying that all biological families deserve to be able to raise their children, but a great many children have grandparents as caregivers, or aunts and uncles, older siblings, etc. I just feel that if given even half the help and benefits that are allowed to foster families--biological families could do a decent job of raising their own children. There are all kinds of agencies to help the foster families and they don't have to wait for eons for the help either. They seen to have a jump on other caregivers! I mean for heaven sake, had any agency helped my daughter when she would ask, with food, a decent place to live, furniture, money, child care, transportation, clothing, etc, and the list goes on (as they do foster parents) then she would probably never have lost her children. I am not saying she did not have complicity in the situation, she wasn't good abut keeping her house in order. To be fair she had her hands full, a fiancee dying in the hospital of AIDS and three small children. These children were very close in age. Her eldest, Jadah was 21 months older than Dante, and he was 14 months older than Imani! That situation makes for a distinctly difficult time keeping the house picked up and etc. For heaven sake, to take the children out on an errand was a major undertaking. Keep in mind that at the time they were taken from my daughter the youngest was only 9 mos. old making the middle child 23 mos. old and the oldest a couple of months away from being 4. On Sat. the eldest will be 5 years old, the middle child was 3 in March and the baby just turned 2 this last Monday! My daughter was in a deep depression because of her fiancee dying and having no financial stability, worrying over everything constantly. To be fair to her, it was after her children were taken from her that she started with the marijuana again. She had been clean doing her pregnancies and she had also stayed clean when she and Travis were in New York, they were both active members of N.A. here and in New York. Yes, in some ways she was not a great Mom, but she wasn't a total wash out either. I know that because of the Nixzmary Brown case and some others before that, the ACS was under the gun so to speak, and they had gotten over-zealous and were getting many more calls to check out homes, etc. I don't think it was an accident that my daughter's landlady was upset with her because of her being behind in her rent and etc. I also happen to know that there was damage to the apt. in the form of kids coloring on the walls and etc. I wonder who called ACS? I can well imagine. At any rate, when Dante cut his foot, that was all the excuse they needed to remove the children. I don't understand why the ACS didn't step in to help this family instead of breaking it apart. I don't understand when I am a perfectly good permanent placement for the kids that there should be a reason to overlook me as a caregiver. I have been approved by CPS here as a foster care provider, they have seen me interact with Georgia in my home, they saw my residence, they talked with me for several hours on several occasions in my home. The children lived with me previously, where I was their main caregiver...What is the problem? They are saying the bond with the caregiver is so strong, well, whose fault is that? New York has been slow as molasses as to getting anything done on this case...it isn't my fault that this has taken so long. God, dear God, please reunite me with my darling grand babies. Pray for me, everyone...I will pray for all of you in your varied situations also. Take Care, remember there are lots of good people in the world. God loves all of his children and we must have faith that things will work out. Lord knows I am trying to garner strength from faith, and trying to keep my faith through this situation. Thanks for the ear, everyone. It helps to be able to let this out. God Bless You All, Stephanie.

Difficult day today. I am down and feel like I am not going to be able to get any help to get the babies back. I am so scared that they will allow them to be kept in New York and that through the fault of my daughter and the many episodes of "dropping the ball" that the foster care agency went through, I could end up losing my darling grandchildren. I guess I would feel differently had I done anything to lose them to the state, or to cause them harm--but I haven't done anything, yet I am paying the biggest price! please everyone pray and if you have any ideas for me, post them. Today I am most grateful for friends! Stephanie.

HEY THERE AGAIN. THANK YOU FOR THAT INFO. I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THE HOSPITAL (ASKING THEM). IT'S NICE CHATTING WITH SOMEONE WITH POSITIVE THINKING. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS REMEBER WHAT JOB (IN THE BIBLE)WENT THROU. GOD LOVES US JUST THE SAME. PHILLIPIANS 4:13 ALSO. BE ANGRY BUT SIN NOT. THANK YOU FOR PRAYERS LITEHOUSE

Here is my target, the N.Y. Association of Child Services (ACS). They need to be mortally wounded, they have no clue as to how their one size fits all 'hospital gown mentality' Doesn't fit all!

Good Morning: Hope everyone had a restful night and is fresh and able to start in on a new day. I pray for us all to be helped in our struggles this day. I pray for a clear mind to be able to help my friends deal with their problems and I also pray that I can navigate the "system" well enough to be able to deal with mine. The water heater went out yesterday--something entirely unexpected, esp. after the air conditioner was just worked on and fixed the day before. What a deal! Thank God the landlord gets to deal with that and not me. I could not get the money together for that sort of thing. If it was up to me to pay for it, I would have to heat water on the stove, as long as I could keep the electric service on and bathe the baby and I would have to bathe in cold water! But, lucky for me, I don't own the house, so I can call on the landlord. So, you know what they say, "The Lord works in mysterious ways." I always wanted to own another house since my home burned down 12 years ago, but when you have to deal with constant expensive repairs maybe that isn't always the best option. Well, here I go forth to try and slay another dragon! Wish me luck in dealing with the New York "dragons" and pray that I am able to deliver a swift blow to them so that my grandchildren in distress can be saved.

It is ten and the baby is asleep, so I think I will head to bed also. I am exhausted, probably mental stress combined with the physical stuff. I am so mentally fatigued right now that I am amazed that I can keep my eyes open. Just want to say that I am saying a prayer for all my aidpage friends tonight. God Bless each and every one of you. Stephanie.

HELLO GRANDMA ANNIE I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR SITUTATION. YOU KEEP THAT POSITIVE THINKING. GOD HEARS YOUR CRIES. HE SAID TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER NO MATTER WHAT AND IT SEEM THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I WILL RAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY ALSO.YOU LET GOD GIVE YOU REST AT NIGHT JUST LET HIM HAVE EVERYTHING CLOSE YOUR EYES A SLEEP WELL I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE PAIN YOUR FEELING BUT YOU ARE IN MY PRAYER LITEHOUSE

Above is a picture of God's Rainbow. I pray that I find my wish at the end of it. I wish you all rainbows, to heal your hearts after the rain. I am feeling the rain now, but I know that after the rain stops--there will be a rainbow! Stephanie.

I am trying to answer personally everyone who writes to me and tries to let me know that they are thinking of me and my situation, praying for me, and sending comforting messages. Please understand if I missed sending you a note, it was an oversight. I am, like all of us, imperfect, although I am trying. Please know that I go to all the aidpages and try to advise where I would look for help, since some people really do have no idea where to turn and do not know about some options that they may be able to access. I thank you all for the love and concern. It means so much to me. I know that through these pages I have gained some friendships with people I would never have met any other way. Thank you all very much. Stephanie.

DEAR GRANDMA ANNIE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE. SOMETIMES PRAYER IS ALL WE HAVE . JUST BE STRONG. I ALSO HAD LOST MY KIDS TO MY EX HUSBAND FOR 7 YRS. JUST BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY, THAT WAS HOW I STARTED LOOSING ALL MY TEETH. I WILL CONTINUE PRAYING FOR YOU AND IF I CAN I WILL TRY TO HELP.CONTINUE BEING STRONG. GIVE ALL YOUR STRENGHT TO GOD... THIS STROM WILL PASS..I PROMISE YOU THAT. GOD BLESS YOU.

hello grandma..i came from philipines,,and i fell sad ...i can't help you in financial...but ,,,i can help you,,by my prayer.....always take care of yourself..

Lord, Please intervene in this situation. Help this dear woman. Bless her to get her grandchildren back. Deliver her daughter from her destructions of drugs and everything else. Unite this family. Save them. Provide for all of thier needs. Please heal Stephanie. Take all the pain from her body. Uplift her spirit. Give her joy. Amen.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007: Sleep was difficult, got a really nice note from an aidpage friend. It came just as I was sitting here feeling very down, It helped a lot. I know that somehow God will help me. I sometimes wake up at night thinking I heard them calling me and then I can't sleep. It is difficult to feel like they need me and I can't even talk to them, let alone see them and hold them close. I feel like they need comfort and I can't give that to them. I long for them to hurl themselves at me, throwing their arms around my neck, wild with laughter, or scared of the "monsters in their room" or just because they want to say, "I love you, Grandma."

Keep your chin up, Hon! You WILL overcome this. And what a triumph it will be, the day that you are able to hold those grandbabies again and NO ONE will be able to take them from you again.

Early Wednesday a.m. can't sleep. I was in bed, but I am unable to sleep right now, probably combination of worry and aches and pains of the fibromyalgia. I checked the baby, who is sleeping like an angel, but I am not quite so fortunate. I didn't get to talk to the kids, as they didn't get to the assigned place to visit with their Mother. I don't know if she went to see them or not. That is part of the problem, she doesn't go often enough and then sometimes she goes all the way from Brooklyn to the Bronx and the foster care "Mother" doesn't get there with the children! It is really crazy. I don't understand any of it. Imani was two yesterday and Jadah will be five on Saturday. I wanted to say "Happy Birthday" to them, at least. I can't send them anything, wish I could but then I am not sure they would get it and I also don't have the money to get stuff for them. I am reasonably sure that the Law Guardian and Social Worker make notes on that and will use it to crucify me to the court. I know it sounds terrible but I don't trust the foster care agency to send letters or pictures to them if I send them because I have never gotten one picture they have drawn or anything back after sending things and I know Jadah would make me something,(since I had asked)Funny, she used to send me stuff when she was with her Momma. I just don't trust these people at all. They have already proved to me that they don't care one bit about promoting a relationship between the kids and I. I keep praying and I hope you all will also. Thanks for every single prayer, message, comment, offer of advise...I am grateful to everyone, for any contribution to the cause-no matter what it consists of.

Boy, what a mess is my life--NOW, after I told the people at Dish Network to shut down the account, and I would send their crap back to them--they went and took money out of my account and overdrew my bank account! I have never had an insufficient fund check and now I have! I had called the bank and told them I didn't authorize any more money out of my account by anyone, then I called the Dish idiots and told them to NOT take money out or I would have to sue their butts...Well, now I am really hopping mad! I called the bank, left a message and told them that after banking there for over ten years that I was very upset at this and so they may as well close the account and forget me ever banking there again. It won't happen. I am tired of people NOT LISTENING when I make it plain what I want done on things like this. MERCY SAKES ALIVE!

Monday May 21, 2007. Imani turns 2 today. I am so sad, haven't been able to spend her first birthday nor her second birthday with her. Jadah will be 5 years old on Saturday the 26th. I am hoping to be able to talk to them when visiting time rolls around tomorrow for their Mother. I hope that I can at least have a few minutes to talk to them. I hope that they are OK. I miss them so much. 23 months is a long, long time to spend without seeing them.

Below please note picture of the children's cousin, Georgia who lives here with me. She is 12 months old right now. The picture is quite recent.

The pics of Jadah and Dante, that have the dates on them were taken by their Mother in N.Y. about 6 months before they were removed from home by the ACS department. The picture of their Momma and Imani was taken when Imani was newborn, at my home in Nebraska, before they had left here. How on earth can anyone expect me to not be totally devastated? Laura (my daughter) would tell them to smile so she could send a picture of them to Grandma coz she loved them so much and missed them a lot! Cute aren't they? They looked hot, they didn't have air conditioning and this was August in the city.

Sunday May 20, mid afternoon. I wonder if anyone would be interested in buying a lovely diamond ring. It is a one of a kind that my Mother designed and had made at the nicest jewelry store in Lincoln. It is worth quite a bit, the center diamond is a VS diamond (very slight imperfections) it has 6 graduated sized diamonds (three on each side of center stone) which are also very nice. It is set in 14K yellow gold. It is a fairly large ring, as Mom wasn't a small petite handed woman. I have an appraisal for it but the replacement cost would be quite a bit higher now. I can take it to my jeweler and see what it would cost to replace it, if anyone is interested. I am thinking that it may just do me a lot more good off of my finger than on it. I won't just practically give it away, but I do need the money to get my grandchildren home. Thanks for any help.

Sunday morning; May 20th, 2007. Talked to Cyndi, my step daughter a bit ago. She is a gem. She doesn't have a way to help me either, too many Dr. bills of her own and that sort of mess. She is such a comfort. I met her at age 11, she and her brother came to live with me and my ex husband when she was 12. I love her so, she loves me back, which is wonderful. My bio-kids are so immature and self-absorbed. I guess it is mostly because they are young and got into drugs, which will stunt your maturation process--but it hurts that they have just given me five grandchildren now and want to put them on "the layaway plan" with me until they can take any responsibility. My youngest daughter had a stillborn daughter before the little one I have here. She seemed to think that using drugs and not eating, or getting pre-natal vitamins was OK. As a result my little Kira was born at 26 weeks after not moving for a couple of weeks. I always know that Kira is w/ my Mother who died in 1994. It comforts me some to know that Mom will take care of her for me.

If anyone feels that they can donate to the cause please send donations with a short note and either a phone number or an email or address so that I may thank you personally. Please send any amount that you can to Stephanie Kuebler, c/o Pastor Roy Miller. Faith Orthodox Presbyterian Church. 5640 Salt Valley View, Lincoln, Nebraska. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God Bless each and everyone of you and your loved ones.

Above is the picture that I had to beg the foster care agency for about a year ago. Aren't they darling children? I miss them so...I just want to be able to bring them back home and care for them, like I did before they went to N.Y. I am scared to death that the last time I actually saw them 23 months ago will be the last time I ever see them in this lifetime. Please help me save them from a life without their family. I understand that their parents have problems, that is why I want to care for them...The eldest one does remember me, and perhaps the little guy will once he sees me, the little one left here at only a month of age.

Sat. May 19th, 2007. I am in hopes that maybe everyone who reads my posts can pass on info. with others and help me to keep this house through August. I need about $1,000 dollars, that won't give me extra but it will keep me from losing my home so that I can concentrate efforts on getting my grandchildren returned to me. The next hearing in New York Family court is on August 13th and I only have a small amount of money coming in now to pay rent and utilities. $357. doesn't stretch too far when you pay $298. for your share of the rent! I get some help with food stamps for me and my youngest grandchild, who is with me...However I do not get ADC because if I take the 222 dollars they will give me for a relative payee, I have to give up my health care and I sure can't afford to do that. I have no transportation and rely on my feet or friends, public transport, etc. I have gotten hold of a Child Advocacy Group in New York that might be able to help with legal help--not sure as yet. I can't lose this house--it is nice, large, in a good neighborhood, which is ideal to have my grandchildren in...if I lose it I will lose them for sure. I have fought this for 15 months now and I am running out of options. I can't get a loan, have borrowed from everyone I know who can help at all. A dear old friend gave me $400.00 last month so I could pay my rent. I have $1.23 in the bank and a check for $357.00 to use on bills--then rent comes around again. I am trying hard to have faith and to keep trusting in the Lord, but even the Lord needs help sometimes.

Barb, I was sort of busy with the little one here when I got your message, however I would like to talk to you about this problem, and some possible solutions to it. I also have been schooled in Human Services, but had to quit in mid-clinical because my daughter ran off and left the eldest of the three in my care exclusively when she was about 6 weeks old. The problem is all along that the Foster Care Agency, Leake and Watts in N.Y. has been resistant to me even talking to the children, although I do have the foster care provider's number and name, which were provided to me by my daughter two days after the children were taken from her and she was able to call me. I did talk to the foster care Mother at that time, and she assured me that the children were fine, was gracious and allowed me to talk to the eldest who was then not yet 4 years old. I was told to call any time I liked, and when I mentioned this in passing to the agency worker, she informed me I was NOT to call, NOT to have contact, etc. I tried subsequently and was never able to talk to the children after that. It seems to me this agency worker equates me with my daughter, whom she does not like or approve of and seems to think maybe I am the same type of person (?) I don't have a clue as to what her thoughts are. I have had two calls in 15 months from the kids, barely got to talk to them, and this is not what I would call facilitating a relationship between me and my grandchildren. The agency worker had told me she would have them call me every Tuesday when the came to the office to visit with their Momma. That obviously isn't what has happened. I am running out of money to keep my home now, because of the long time this has taken. The ICPC was approved and it seems like the kids should have been sent here quite some time ago, but N.Y. has been excruciatingly slow about everything to do with this case. I understand that my grandchildren are safe, however without being with them and seeing for myself it is a constant source of worry and frustration for me. They keep telling me how dedicated the foster care Mother is to my grandchildren, and I am sure she is, and also probably dedicated to the rather tidy sum of money she gets each month for their care. Not that I would expect anyone to take on the care of three extra children without some money of some kind being given them. I am a good person, Barb and I am certainly qualified to raise my own grandchildren. I have over 250 hours at the Community College here in Human Services, Psychology and Criminal Justice, having wanted to be a probation officer. I found that the closest I could get was Human Services at the time, which is why I started in that. Since then I have been busy with things like the raising of my grandchildren. I feel as though I am swimming upstream and that I am being railroaded by the 'system' in N.Y. I am grateful for any words of advise and encouragement you can give me. Any ideas where I might obtain some financial help to get me through these rough spots would also be appreciated. I have about exhausted the Social Service agencies in this town. I have fibromyalgia and some vein problems that won't allow me to work out of home any longer, so that is a problem. God Bless you, Barb. I see you have a kind and giving heart and I do so appreciate your sensible words and your input. Stephanie.

Hi my name is Barb. I undestand you and your grandchildren had a grand relationship. Your dauther or son moved out of state and has incurred a type of incarceration, which contributed to the state of New York to refer the children to administration of children services? The social workers had to find the children a home and possibly searched only New York City? May I suggest, you relax and regroup your thoughts. Yes your grandchildren do need you to be in his or her life. On the contrary, a foster care system has the children now. This means the children are safe, he and she are obtaining treatment for the drastic change in his or her lifestyle. Slowly, create a plan, that will allow you to talk to the children over the telephone. The fostercare has a counselor who manages their files. find out his or her name. Since great measures were required to have the children taken away and put in foster care. A lot of investigations have to be made. The mother or son whom is incarcerated has to approve of you contacting his or her children. The incarcerated have rights inside of prison. Investigate where your child is in the prison center. If your child is a woman. You may contact the womens prison association. I have never embarked a male having this difficulty. However, I want you to allow your good spirit to become involve. This means a good nights sleep. Then take this note and dissect it for your convenience. Create a plan. First you have to take care of your self. Next you have to locate the incarcerated child to obtain authorization to speak with the children. I want you to understand speak with the children. The mother or son has already taken the necessary precautions to keep his or her child or children safe. At the same time locate the foster care and speak with the counselor this double barrel strategy helps the human service workers understand the problems and can offer the benefits needed in your specific case. Again, get rest, make your plan. I wish you a happy reunion barb